This article was first published on The Asian Parent.

When it comes right down to it, there are three types of Mom in the world:

The Hyper Mom – Also known as the Helicopter Mom. She is over protective, over-involved , and constantly hovering over her child to make sure everything goes 100% smoothly.

The Hot Mess Mom – She’s lucky if she manages to get her kids up in time before she drives them recklessly to school… in her inside out shirt. (To be fair, this is usually because she is running on 4 hours of sleep because she also works long hours.)

The Chill Mom – The mom that never seems to get frazzled, handles life in stride, and helps her kid grow confident and happy.

 
Have you wondered what’s the secret of The Chill Mom?

Since I owned a blog and a business called The Chill Mom, I believe I have some (tongue-in-cheek) say in this. It’s rather simple. When it comes down to it, I’m just like any other mums who want keep our children happy, healthy, safe, and eventually productive members of society.

Of course, I have my hot mess moments and at times, get frustrated when things don’t go as planned. But mostly, I’m quite chill. Here are some of the things I have consciously refrained from doing:
 

Compare Myself

I’m confident and doesn’t feel the need to compete with other mums. It’s easy to get sucked into comparing yourself with others, especially when lives are all on display over social media these days. But I just don’t go there. I’m doing my best and assume that everyone else is doing the same.
 

Compare My Kids

I’m also confident in my children. My utmost concern is that my children are happy and healthy. I don’t have time to worry if my child sleeps too much, consumes too little milk, starts talking too late compared to Timmy, Maya, or Deandre. (One of my strategies is to stay away from Facebook.) I understand that each child’s development milestone is unique.
 

Try to Please Everyone

The old saying is that you can’t please everyone all the time. I have learnt to embrace it. Trying to please my aunt, mother-in-law and that nosy next door neighbour who think my kid should be potty trained by now can get exhausting. I just do right by myself and my family and don’t give a damn what other thinks. Just smile and walk away – best response ever!
 

Follow the Parenting Book to the T

I look at parenting books as more of a guideline. Believe me, I’ve read countless parenting books and am interested in advice and eager to educate myself on every method. Ultimately, I follow my intuition. No parenting books know my children like I do. By the way, I dedicate a whole chapter on intuition in my book.
 

Blame Myself

No time for the blame game, honey, especially when you’re the subject. I’ve been there – feeling guilty over everything kids related. And then I realised that guilt doesn’t really do anything. It sucks up my energy and is such a waste of time. I’ve gotten over the agony of mommy guilt, which also means I can’t be mommy-shamed. I don’t pretend to always be right, and I acknowledge when I’m not. I take it as lesson learnt and move on.
 

Say “Yes” to Everything and Everyone

This has been such a game changer. I’ve mentioned this in many posts on this blog before and I’ll say it again. The word “No” is a perfectly good answer in many situations. It takes a while to master but I now have no problem saying “No” when the time is right. Chill moms know that their productive time and energy is not infinite. They guard their time and energy closely.
 

Play By The Rules

While I recognise that rules are useful guidelines and principles, they are by no means the end all be all for parenting. I set my own rules and refused to let motherhood dampens my dreams and style. I understand that principles and other guiding rules for life should only be followed as long as they are working for ME. If progress has become hampered or impossible to apply the principles to my unique situation, I find something that better suits me and my family.

 
How do you become The Chill Mom? Forgive yourself more and try to please everyone else less. You have one obligation in this world, and it is to raise your child into a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted human being.

And to do that? You really just need to chill out a bit.

Tell me in the comment box below – what is preventing you from living a full, happy mummy life right now?

PS: If you are feeling overwhelmed and extremely stressed out, maybe my 7 Mistakes Moms Make That Prevent Them From a Happy Motherhood report can help.