That is a question becoming more popular today. The outbreak of feminism recently has truly put a bad taste in the mouths of a lot of people on the topic of being a stay-at-home-mum.
While shopping one evening, I overheard two younger girls in their early 20’s talking and catching up with each other since their high school days. One, whom we will call Julie, was a mother and married while the other, whom we will address as Kate, was pursuing college.
Upon hearing that Julie was married with a baby boy, Kate was glad to hear the good news. Kate then asked Julie what she does for work and Julie’s response was, “I just stay home with the little one. I’m a stay at home mom,” to which Kate replied back, “Oh no, Julie, you are better than that.”
As a SAHM myself, Kate’s words offended me. The reasons why many women around the world want to become a parent at home vary from person to person, but neither of them can deny the foundational reason we all seem to share: We don’t want to miss a thing in the lives of our child.
I had to reach out to my good friend, Olivia, who is also a SAHM and phenomenal parent to her son. I needed some stable reasons other than mine of why would a woman choose to stay home with their child.
“I’ve made a point to be as hands-on as I possibly can be,” said Olivia. “I wanted to be the one exposing him to new textures and foods, feeling the wind for the first time, feeling mud between his toes, learning to draw with crayons and markers.” When remembering all the memories, she smiled and continued, “We do a LOT of arts and crafts. This time that they’re little is so short, and I’m the one who carried him for 9 long months and gave birth to him, so I felt like I would be cheating myself and my son if I wasn’t there for his everyday life.”
I couldn’t help but to nod in agreeance as Olivia poured out her heart and her passion for her son and the amazing relationship they have together. Maybe the reason many parents don’t have that eternal, intimate relationship with their child is because they let daycares take over.
“For me it just goes against my nature as a mother to drop my young baby off with complete strangers all day,” said Olivia, “It bothers me knowing he’s not getting the attention I can give him and then they may become more comfortable with their caretakers instead of their actual parents.”
Being a stay-at-home-mom is no picnic, but the results taste so sweet. It’s a blessing of a duty to be able to perform, but it will challenge you as a parent and even more as a human being. You will find out who you are and what you are made of.
Being a stay-at-home mom is the most important job in the world because us parents who stay at home with our children are shaping the future generations, instilling values and morals, and studies show that children who are with their parents more from a young age grow up to be more secure in themselves.
Being a stay-at-home mom means wiping tears, kissing boo-boos, picking boogers, preparing meals, coming up with new and exciting activities, teaching, bathing, and being the comforter. When it comes to being a stay-at-home-mom, everything in your child’s life begins and ends with you.
PS: Stay at home mums can have aspirations too! I’m putting together a Stay At Home Mom Boss course to help mothers who are really serious about making an income from home. Whether you are struggling with a business idea or you already have something going on and looking to grow your business, this 90 days course will walk you through each aspect of building your dream stay-at-home business.
I love this. I sent it to a few girlfriends of mine who have also read and passed this on.
I love this. I sent it to a few girlfriends of mine who have also read and passed this on.
This is such a lovely post! I couldn't agree more. Being a SAHM is so rewarding.
This is such a lovely post! I couldn't agree more. Being a SAHM is so rewarding.
I have long advocated that every mother should do one of two things: Put your children in public school and either stay home or work outside the home only while they're in school; or stay home full-time and homeschool. Being a mother IS a career and children deserve better than daycare, babysitters, and the "latchkey" label. BUT – words of advice, ladies: Unless you are financially secure forever, should the time ever come when you must return to the workforce, especially when older, employers and society will make you feel invisible and worthless because you have nothing recent to put on that resume and because you're older. They will treat you as a non-entity, someone who has nothing to contribute, and it will seem as though you are being punished for having made such a responsible decision to be home full-time with your own children. It's a real shame. This demographic of females deserves better in America.
I have long advocated that every mother should do one of two things: Put your children in public school and either stay home or work outside the home only while they're in school; or stay home full-time and homeschool. Being a mother IS a career and children deserve better than daycare, babysitters, and the "latchkey" label. BUT – words of advice, ladies: Unless you are financially secure forever, should the time ever come when you must return to the workforce, especially when older, employers and society will make you feel invisible and worthless because you have nothing recent to put on that resume and because you're older. They will treat you as a non-entity, someone who has nothing to contribute, and it will seem as though you are being punished for having made such a responsible decision to be home full-time with your own children. It's a real shame. This demographic of females deserves better in America.
Thanks for much for passing this on. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of our purpose.
Thanks for much for passing this on. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of our purpose.
So i’m new to parenting and I’ve the utmost respect for my wife who spends the entire day at home caring for our newborn. He’s about 10 weeks old at the moment.
From day one, we fully agreed that we don’t want to send our boy to daycare. Firstly there’s far too much abuse going on for a tiny market like singapore and secondly, it’s a convenience factor for us and not him. These days, too much focus on convenience and insufficient focus on nurturing the next generation. But I digress.
There’s a great olympic ad on the hardest job in the world – being a mum. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ3k6BFX2uw
Thanks for sharing the ad, Michael!
I am not good enough to be a SAHM. If I stay at home, I want to be a tai-tai and slack. A SAHM I feel is the name given to someone whom you have defined. Not just someone who stays at home with the kids. But someone who teaches the kid, bonds with the kid and spends time with the kid. Some SAHM who do not have the luxury of having a helper would have to clean and cook as well.
Some people I feel are better off in the workforce. Eg. Some who claim to be “SAHMs” simply stay at home with the child and do NOTHING to involve their kid. Maybe they just go out and meet friends and bring their kid along to high-tea places.
I also have friends who are currently SAHMs but their husbands are struggling with the finances at home and would love for them to go back to work but they refuse and continue to spend as they like. This is another group of SAHMs I feel should just go back to the workforce and help out with the household finances or at least try to do something about them when they are at home.
Kudos to all the real SAHMs out there, like you! 🙂
Vivien ( Beautiful Chaos )
Sure, every mother has the right to choose her own lifestyle. Some are content staying at home, nurturing and spending time with their children. Some are happier having a working life without kids. Each to their own, I’d say.
I have a SAHM friend and I always tell her how I admire her for choosing to be one because I know how tough (yet rewarding) being a SAHM can be. I tried being a SAHM for 3 months last time and end up being stressed out. IMHO, not all mums who stay at home end up taking care and spending QT with their kids more (just like what happened to me, I ended up stressing about housework instead). I am a FTWM and I am happy being one BUT I have never once discouraged a SAHM because at the end of the day, it all boils down what works for our families.
Cherry of http://www.sweetmemoirs.com
I agree, Cherry. Thanks for your honest comment.
There is a season to everything. When our kids are young, it is the best season to be home for them and raise them on our own (if finances allow). I have so many girl friends who are highly educated, highly capable and highly intelligent who have made that wise decision to be a SAHM after the kids arrived. And I respect them for making this sacrifice. For me, I hope one day I too can be a happy SAHM when the time is ripe.
Hi Angie, I agree. It’s all about choices and there isn’t right or wrong in this case. It’s personal and not one to be ashamed of.
While I agree with you that being a SAHM is good because we get to be with them through every milestone, I feel that you cant say that parents “dont share an eternal intimate bond because they send them to daycare”. It’s just not fair.
As a SAHM, my kids go daycare nevertheless. They learn social skills and independence there and at the same time, I get a break to prepare activities for them when they come back. So.. we still share a very strong bond despite daycare.
Some mothers cannot stay at home, probably financial reasons or whatsoever and they cannot be with their children as much as they would love to. I feel that mothers are mothers, there shouldnt be a SAHM vs FTWM competition because at the end of the day, I believe that most right-minded mothers love their children and would do anything they can do be with them.
Hi Jacqualine, this is definitely not a SAHM vs FTWM competition kind of post. This is my affirmation that being a SAHM is a choice we make and it’s not a lesser choice than being a career woman. If anything, I’m building businesses from home!
I think it really depends on the person. I took no pay leave for a year after my first child was born. While I enjoyed taking him out to meet friends and going for classes when he was slightly older, I didn’t particularly enjoy looking after him 24/7.
I also spent way too much money, even tapping into my insurance funds because I had no income.
I guess it all depends on what you like and are able to do.
SAHM or FTWM or PTWM, it’s all in a person’s choice. Is a choice that each individual makes. Every role has its own advantages and disadvantages, satisfaction and dissatisfaction. I believe all parents will want the best for their children. We can’t make judgement for them or on them. As long as everyone in the family is happy, that is the most important thing.
Similarly, some Dads are sometimes challenged about work-life-balances or extra leave taken when they wish to attend kids’ graduation. This mindset need to change if we wish society to be more pro-family.
cheers, Andy
(SengkangBabies.com)
You took the words right out of my mouth..SAHMs seem to be misunderstood on so many levels 🙁 Tqvm for speaking up for us! However, I know that being a FTWM / PTWM is no easy feat as well..Thus, kudos to all Mummies & Daddies <3