*Guest Post*

When Michelle sent out an SOS, asking for guest bloggers (because she had the foresight to predict that she would soon be busy with a newborn and be too busy to blog), I contacted her right away. My own life has panned out in a way that I could have never imagined, all thanks to two little people in my life. I know how overwhelming it can be having to adjust with a new baby while reassuring an older child that she is still very much loved. Please allow me to share my story, on how our lives at home have changed since our littlest joined us, in the hope that it will help you get through your own early days of motherhood.

Poppy was 3 years old when I got pregnant. Prior to that most of that time was spent together, just me and her. I left my job – one that I loved very much (you could say it was my dream job) – to be her full time caregiver. Then I went back to work for a little while but that didn’t work out, but in that time, my husband volunteered to be a full-time dad. So to my daughter, she knew life as that; that she would always be cared for by a parent. Leading up to my delivery, I grew guilty at the thought that when the baby arrived, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with Poppy.

“So that’s what happens when we eat too much ice-cream!”

We’d just begun to enjoy spontaneous outings together. Bus rides with no agenda, unplanned trips that led us to all parts of Singapore. I shuddered in anxiety because I wouldn’t be able to do all that with a newborn in tow. On top of all the physical discomforts that came with pregnancy, I was a tight ball of nerves, not quite knowing what to expect or how I would manage with two. So to compensate for future lost time, I did so much with her. We had an outing a day, we played, we read, I hugged her more, I told her that she would always be loved, no matter what. Looking back, I’m glad I did it. Because I don’t remember the discomfort, nor the tiredness, but it remember the times we spent together, when I was a mother of one.

We’re sticky about bedtimes but this was a fun event and we made an exception. I still remember holding her hand and thinking how lucky I was to have one wonderful daughter, and another on the way. This was one of my last outings with Poppy as a mum of one.

Throughout my pregnancy, I tried to introduce the concept of a new baby to Poppy. I talked in a little voice, pretending to be Meimei. As Meimei, I asked Jiejie if I could share her toys, sleep in her room, and go to school with her. It was always about her being older and more worldly and wise, with a little sister looking up to her. I’m not sure if that played a significant role, but today the girls are 6 and 2 respectively, and Poppy carries out her role as a Jiejie fantastically. In fact, I cannot think of a better older sister. I’ve always told her that she was 在世界上最好的姐姐, and she did turn out to be it.

The first time Poppy saw Calla was at the hospital. We didn’t quite know what to expect. But Poppy went right up to Meimei, and gave her a kiss. And then the two little ones took a nap together on my bed. Never mind my painful stitches and catheter, my heart was bursting with pride and love. My two little ones. My babies. My darlings.

We didn’t have a confinement lady so the first couple of weeks (wait, who am I kidding – the first couple of months) were really tough. We tried to be fair to the girls, to allocate enough time to both. On hindsight, we really did try our best, but if I could turn back time, I wish I had had more energy to do more. We tried, we really did, but newborn days traditionally aren’t easy.

In my mind, I imagined that Poppy and I would continue with our homelearning efforts while Calla took her long naps. Turns out she wasn’t much of a napper. But we tried anyway. I would craft with Poppy while breastfeeding Calla. Speaking of breastfeeding, this baby was perpetually stuck onto my chest. I’ve had times where I had that wretched nursing pillow strapped on me, and nursing my baby while in the toilet. All part of motherhood.

My mother, who’s had four children, reminded me that I sometimes should leave the baby alone to show my firstborn that I was still very much her mother and nothing changes that, not even the arrival of another baby. So there were times when I would leave Calla in her cot while working on a project with Poppy. And if the baby cried, Jiejie – bless her heart – would come to me and tell me to pick the baby to soothe her.

Going out was tricky too. Our outings were limited because first of all, I was still pretty much recovering from birth, and secondly, it was just really tiring. We live in a 4-storey walk up apartment and don’t drive. So the first few months were rough, but we survived, the 4-year old, the baby in the Bjorn, and I.

The thing about babies is that they grow and change so quickly. It could just be foggy mummy brain but it seemed that Calla hit all the usual baby milestones really quickly – flipping, sitting, climbing, walking That’s the thing about the second child – you remember everything about your first but be prepared that you might not be able to record everything for your second,  because you might still be caught up in the guilt of not being that perfect mother to your first.

Anyhow, I ended up including the baby in our learning sessions. Well, kind of. It was more like tandem learning – I’d prepare a basket of stuff to entertain her with while talking to her older sister. But that also made me feel guilty cos then, I wasn’t talking much to the baby. So it was non stop talk talk talk from me for I’d say the first year or so.

People always say it will get better and you know what? It’s true. The girls started playing together when Calla was about 18 months old, and over time, the length of time I could spend away from them grew. I can pee in peace now!

Watching your kids play together and entertaining each other is possibly one of the best things. These days they are pretty happy playing doctor and patient together, or with train tracks, or blocks, or draw, or simply just mess up – they do that very well. Other times Poppy would bury her nose in a good Roald Dahl book, giving me time to be with Calla. Or I could be doing some homelearning activity with Poppy while Calla is playing with puzzles or bringing us ‘food’ from her play kitchen. I love that while they enjoy each others’ company, they’re also individuals that like spending time on their own, engrossed in their own activities.

Our days are crazy, and to be honest, sometimes they drag by. But I am reminded that too soon, they will grow up and they depend less and less on me, so I try to cherish each day. If you’ve got a newborn and an older child, I do hope that you’ll enjoy your first couple of months. Take lots of pictures, and not just perfect shots of your baby. Include daily shots of you and your other kid/s as well. In time to come, you won’t remember your aching back or your sleepiness, or your cramped up shoulders, or waking up ten times at night. But you will remember them being tiny and curling up in your arms, and smelling them and watching them sleep.

Happy parenting!

About Adora

Adora is a mum of two and a freelance writer. She enjoys cheap chocolate, tickling her kids’ armpits and is only able to hold proper conversations after her morning coffee. Adora blogs at The Gingerbreadmum Blog, where she shares about her parenting hits and misses through her totally professional drawings.